Just how fancy do you need to be for politicians?

Miami is throwing shade on Milwaukee (at Milwaukee? What’s the right way to say this? I know just enough to be dangerous)

We are fancy enough and we are comfortable. And we can rock leopard print as well as anyone else.


Miami is trash-talking Milwaukee, saying Milwaukee is not fancy enough to host the Democratic convention.

I totally give the “not fancy” part to Miami. I lived in Miami for two years and never once did I see a Cuban or Haitian woman out without lipstick. Miami people dress up. They look smart. I almost never saw gray hair or frump.

(Except for me. I brought the frump because I have never been able to do lipstick and honestly? I AM LAZY.)

Miami is glossy. People there look really good.

You know why?

It’s easy to look good when you don’t have to worry about

  1. Being cold
  2. Slipping on the ice
  3. Sinking into the snow
  4. Ruining your shoes in the salty slush

Miami totally wins on fancy.

But – what I want to know is why fancy does matter for a political convention?

Has anyone ever thought that politicians are fancy?  That politicians need fancy?

I do not hold a high opinion of elected officials in general. Although I have met some wonderful politicians who are sincere and ethical and competent, I have also met several who are complete idiots who, if they were not elected officials, would be lucky to have a job asking if you want fries with that.

That is, politics seems to attract two types: sincere and capable public servants – not enough of those – and people who are kind of losers and manage by some miracle to get elected.

But politics doesn’t really seem to attract glossy, high-fashion, fancy types.

Am I missing something? Do we need the same thing for politics that we do for Hollywood?

(Not that I am an expert on Hollywood, but Hollywood seems way fancier than politics.)

Do we have to be fancy for a political event?

I think we could host a political event just fine. I even think we have some fancy things, like our art museum, that might impress people.

But you know what?

I hope Miami gets it. (Lord have mercy, nobody, not even politicians, deserves Houston in July.)

I don’t want it here. We have about ten days of the year when the weather is perfect and we can go to the Summerfest grounds for one of Milwaukee’s gajillion summer festivals or to walk along the lakefront or to eat at one our many amazingly delicious restaurants (we are not chubby because the food is bad).

We do not need politicians here, taking the parking spaces, crowding the sidewalks, making it hard to get into a restaurant.

You guys stay far, far away. We will be not-fancy fine without you.


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