When you’re in deep snow and existential despair

And then you put the dishwash thing in the disposal. While it is running.

Image may contain: people sitting and indoor

So you guys. Marido and I went on vacation. Which was a mistake. Because Spain was beautiful and we went outside without our coats and we realized there are people who live without winter and how can we become those people? But we can’t because The Man Is Keeping Us Down and because you don’t burn it all down and move to Spain in your mid-50s —

wait.

Do you?

No. You can’t. Not when you have two cats whom you are not willing to abandon. Not when your mom thank God is healthy now but those times are coming.

You can’t.

Can you?

Maybe. Man, I want to.

But when you are distracted and thinking about Burning It Down and Moving To Spain, you casually push the orange peels into the disposal with the dishwash thingy and – oops! The head of the thingy comes off IN THE DISPOSAL and in the few seconds it takes you to react, the disposal very efficiently grinds the plastic of the dishwash thingy into tiny little bits.

Which is a metaphor for Life Right Now – Tiny Little Bits of White Nothingness That Are Causing Despair Because The Damn Snow Won’t Stop.

And then you have to get those tiny white bits out of the disposal because – and I am guessing on this, but I suspect I am correct – grinding them into even smaller pieces so they will wash down the drain is probably not a good idea and definitely not good for the fish.

So even though I know better and I know what LOTO is and I have attended safety classes, I stick my hand into the disposal

Don’t worry! Nothing bad happens!

But I kept thinking, “What if something happened and the disposal turned on? My fingers would be shredded! Then how would I use the remote? Or my phone?”

I already have a top-less little finger from the Mandoline Incident of ’13.

Advice: If you fly to Dubai and back in the same week, give yourself a few days after you return before you use sharp objects. It really does take some time to recover from that jet lag.

But I had to stick my hand down the disposal and retrieve all the little plastic bits and it forced me to concentrate and contemplate Winter and Discontent and Despair and The Point of Life and I am ready to leave again.

But I bought new pillows instead.

I will let you know if that solves the problem.

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