Will nobody think of the white men?

Maybe we will finally hear from this long-ignored group

You what we are really missing in this country? You know what is a huge mystery to us all? You know what is completely lacking from the public discourse?

The views and opinions – the needs, the wants – of the white middle-class male.

We don’t know what men want. We muddle along blindly, focusing only on our own needs – can we get that second mammogram when the first one is inconclusive covered as preventive and not as diagnostic? Can we get free tampons in school restrooms? Can we protect our basic rights as women?

We think about all these things while ignoring the chasm of lost men.

And that is why I am so, so delighted that even though there is a highly-qualified woman running for the State Assembly seat being vacated by a woman who has indeed gotten that mammogram coverage passed into law, there are now also two white men – both lawyers – running in the Democratic primary for that seat as well.

I for one am so grateful that at last, we will have this long-underrepresented segment of society represented in our government. I am so happy that not one but two men saw this gap, said to themselves “You know what we really need? We need to have someone who speaks for WHITE MEN!” and have courageously stepped up to serve the community by selflessly dedicating their time and resources to running for and possibly serving in office.

If one of them is elected instead of the woman, perhaps we can finally give the issues that middle-class white male lawyers face the attention they deserve. It’s been a long time coming.

(Can I tell you how pissed off I am that I might have to spend my summer campaigning for the woman when I thought I would get to take off before the primary? I just spent a month knocking on doors for a Supreme Court candidate. I wanted a break. But DAMN.)

When women ruin it for other women

It is not our responsibility to keep everyone else happy, AKA Quit blaming your daughter in law for everything talking to you my MIL

Here’s something nonpolitical and evergreen for you.

What the heck is the deal with mothers in law who expect their daughters in law to do all the emotional labor?

Wait wait I know. Because they had to do it and by God they are going to inflict that pain on the next generation.

I saw this letter to Carolyn Hax and my very first thought was, “WTF does the DIL need to ‘reach out?'” (A phrase I hate almost as much as I hate the word “littles” for describing children.)

Why can’t the actual child of these two people be the one in charge of talking to his own damn parents?

Dear Carolyn: I’m close with my ex-husband and his wife. They live in Florida. My ex and I share two children and four grandchildren. All is well.

My younger son’s wife, however, never calls her father-in-law or his wife. Does not share news about the kids. But she is always friendly toward them.

I live in New York and see my younger son’s kids all the time. My ex is upset and has asked me why she does not call.

I was visiting my ex recently, and our granddaughter called me. She does not call them. She is only 8. It was awkward to say the least.

I need to find a way to tell my daughter-in-law she should reach out. I don’t think my son should be in the middle or made to feel badly. How do I handle this?”

Facebook

Mr T’s parents didn’t like me, but I was the one expected to write all the thank-you notes for the crap they sent us that we didn’t want.

I was also expected to attempt to earn their approval. His mom wrote me a letter (which unfortunately I cannot find) in which she told me we should tell each other all the things we didn’t like about each other and noted that she had had to earn the approval of her in-laws, probably because Mr T’s dad had left his first wife for her, but honestly, Mr T’s mom was not the problem in that story, his dad was. No, she should not have become involved with a married man, but he is the one who broke his wedding vows.

Anyhow. Mr T’s mom thought that because she had been treated like crap, it was OK for her to treat me like crap.

Why should the daughter in law be in charge of the relationship?

Why shouldn’t the son be in the middle?

Why doesn’t the grandfather call his grandchildren?

Why are women so damn complicit in their own oppression?

Also may I note since I saw that letter that I have also seen several other letters and articles of the same ilk, so if you want to be crabby about how some women are helping maintain the patriarchy, read on. Here’s a good one: Why Are Women Doing Their Husband’s Job Searching

This woman is respecting her DIL’s desire not to be the scheduler but the son isn’t doing it right and the mom thinks she need to do something but she does not!

Saturday list

How you can defend democracy today and for years to come

This woman made a quilt of some of the people who have died in ICE custody. People whom ICE has murdered, that is.

I’m in the last weekend before the Wisconsin election for Wisconsin Supreme Court, so this will be short. Here’s what you can do today to help advance democracy:

  1. Make GOTV phone calls for Judge Chris Taylor, the liberal candidate I am supporting for Wisconsin Supreme Court. If she wins, we will have a liberal majority on the Wisconsin Supreme Court until at least 2030, which will be to the Peoples’ advantage for issues such as gerrymandering, women’s rights, and voting rights.
  2. Call your state’s Republican legislators in Washington DC. The Representatives do not need to know if you are not in their district. If they ask for a name and address, make something up. I am often “Susan in Green Bay.” If you call today or tomorrow, you will get voicemail, so you don’t even have to talk to a person. Tell them to release the Epstein files or to stop this illegal war (or whatever you want to tell them). The goal is to get attention to the issues we care about.
  3. Who’s running for office in November? Find the candidates you will support. For your local candidate, sign her nominating papers. Circulate her nominating papers. Volunteer for her campaign. It doesn’t have to be just knocking on doors or making phone calls. One of my candidates, the fabulous Robyn Vining, looks for people to also do things like deliver campaign swag or bake for events or sign people in at events. There are plenty of volunteer opportunities that barely involve talking to other people.
  4. Join your local League of Women Voters and help register voters. Be strategic about it. The LWV is non-partisan, but I do not participate in events where the attendees are likely not to agree with me politically. Almost all citizens have the right to vote. I focus on the ones who care about democracy for all.