The kolache wars

Or, why are there almost no kolaches in Milwaukee, even though there are Slovaks here?

 

 

Do you see that photo on the left? That is a plea for kolache makers.

I have two stories about that.

The first is about how I went to make kolaches with the kolache ladies because my grandmother used to make kolaches and I had not had a kolache in Wisconsin since my grandmother was alive.

The second is WHY DO I HAVE TO GO TO TEXAS TO GET KOLACHES?

Wait. Let’s focus on the second question.

Seriously people. I know we are modest up here and we keep our light under a bushel, but I really think Wisconsin should win over Texas in the kolache division.

Again with the Texas Monthly, I know, but why do I have to read about

  • kolaches
  • gourmet kolaches

in a magazine that isn’t about Wisconsin?

I mean, besides the fact that Texas has the largest Czech population in the US. (I gather from the wikipedia article – don’t judge – that they use “Czech” to include “Slovak.” My Slovak grandmother was adamant that the two had nothing to do with each other.)

But Wisconsin has the third-largest Czech population. Where are our kolache bakeries? Where? Look at what’s possible! Read it for yourself. Look at those images and drool.

(NB These are klobasniky, not kolache, but the question remains the same.)

We should have kolaches here. Someone do something about this.

Back to the first story.

I went to bake with the Slovak ladies. I wanted to make kolaches. But when I got there, they put me on beehives. I am sure beehives are important and require a degree of skill and finesse that kolaches do not need. I am sure of that.

But maybe it’s that they didn’t think I was good enough for kolaches.

So I am a bit hurt.

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