When men marry power (or inherit it)(or become friends with it)

Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple

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It’s always the same thing with these guys, isn’t it? The ones who complain about women being golddiggers or sleeping their way to the top are the very ones who got their money and power through connections – marrying the boss’ daughter, playing tennis with the nephew of the guy who owns the company, inheriting from a slumlord father.

(Or they are just bitter and angry because they have not reached those levels and don’t understand why their white penises have not given them the power they think they rightly deserve.)

Every accusation is a confession.

It’s a story as old as time.

Many Europeans crossed the sea, including large numbers of poor women who came to seek their fortunes. Mothers were frequently disappointed. Since these immigrant women brought no resources, many of the young men who came to the colony to get rich preferred to marry girls of colour, whose dowries included land and slaves they could use profitably. Such preferences began to inspire jealousy in white women.

Source: Julien Raymond, Observations on the Origin and Progression of the White Colonists’ Prejudice against Men of Colour (1791), quoted in Empire’s Crossroads, by Carrie Gibson

(True, women have long had to marry financial security because marriage has long been one of the only ways for women to sleep safely. But despite the way Julien Raymond, an indigo grower on Haiti – who inherited his plantation but who later became an abolitionist, so that’s awesome, Julien! – wait he sold his slaves to become a full-time abolitionist? Couldn’t he have freed them? – phrases it, I would suggest that women were seeking survival, not a fortune, via the only route available to them.)

(Also, although I question the interpretation of women’s sentiment by an 18th century man, abolitionist or not, I must comment on the apparent misplaced jealousy. My sisters in Christ! Other women are not the enemy – the patriarchy is the enemy. )

(Whoa the Julien Raymond/Raimond plot thickens! I found this on wikipedia. Racism has entered the chat! Like – his dad married his mom despite her color because she had money? Julien is sounding more and more like Arthur Schopenhauer, a bitter old German philosopher who thought women were inferior and, as it turns out, was outshone by his mother, who wrote books that sold better than his did.)

He (Julien Raimond) was born a free man of color; the son of a French colonist and a colored mother born to a planter in the isolated Sud province of the colony. His mother, Marie Bagasse, was significantly wealthier and more educated than his father, Pierre Raimond, providing an economic incentive for their interracial marriage. 

(Also, I saw that Julien was an activist for voting rights for free people of color – the author uses the word “people” but I bet she meant “men,” – on the basis that they were taxpayers. As in, if you had money, you should be able to vote. Which I guess was the prevailing philosophy at the time looking at you United States but still, people are awful.)


Sleeping your way to the top started way before 1791. You probably were taught that Christopher Columbus was a plucky explorer who happened to convince the king and queen of Spain to finance his expedition just because he was so cool.

Ha.

No.

He married the daughter of a man with connections to the Portuguese court – the very court that had kings and princes related to Queen Isabella – and those connections played a part in Isabella’s support.

Many of the crown’s advisors, however, were reluctant to believe this unknown Genoese sailor. Although he had made some important connections in Portugal and had married well, his relative obscurity did not inspire confidence….Still the queen was intrigued. Perhaps it was the promise of wealth, or the crown’s own spirit of adventure, or a simple post-Reconquista confidence. Perhaps, as some historians have argued, Columbus won over the queen for more sentimental reasons – Isabella’s great-grandfather was King John I of Portugal, her grandfather was Prince John, and her great-uncle was Prince Henry. Although Columbus was Genoese, his Portuguese connections did him no harm.

Source: Empire’s Crossroads, by Carrie Gibson

But how could such a humble man marry someone with such connections? Historian Samuel Eliot Morison had theories about it decades ago. The wife was an ancient 25 years old and didn’t have a dowry, which I guess means she was desperate. (Speaking of women needing marriage for survival.)

Discussing the question of how Christopher Columbus, the son of a Genoese wool weaver, could marry the daughter of a Portuguese Knight of Santiago, a member of the household of Prince John, Lord of Reguengos de Monsaraz (Master of Santiago,) and of Prince Henry the Navigator’s household, Samuel Eliot Morison[4] wrote that this is “no great mystery.” Filipa was “already about 25 years old,” her mother was a widow “with slender means,” and “her mother was glad enough to have no more convent bills to pay, and a son-in-law […] who asked for no dowry.”

Christopher Columbus slept his way to the top


And this practice has carried on. Wisconsin senator Ron Johnson, of course, is one of the most egregious examples. Bless his sweet heart he’s kind of dumb, but he married the boss’ daughter and then went into business with the boss’ son and then the boss, who happened to be an F500 CEO, threw a ton of business at Johnson’s/son’s company, which definitely violates ethical practices and is probably illegal and I’m surprised the auditors never said anything.

Point is, Johnson would never have amassed the fortune he did had he not married into a very good situation.

Wisconsin representative Jim Sensenbrenner also had the sense to be born to riches, but at least he was smart enough to graduate from Stanford.

You would think that someone who came from this background would have fought more for women’s rights, but I guess no.

Sensenbrenner was born in Chicago, Illinois. His great-grandfather, Frank J. Sensenbrenner, was involved in the early marketing of Kotex sanitary napkin and served as the second president of Kimberly-Clark.

Source: Wikipedia

Inheriting your fortune. Sleeping your way to the top. Making the right friends. It’s what white men do. They connect to power and money and then they think they got there on their merits.

Howard Lutnick? The current secretary of the treasury and one of the regime’s useless idiots?

He came from a middle-class family. But yet got a Wall Street job where soon, he was making a ton of money. How did he get such a job, you ask? Aren’t those Wall Street jobs widely coveted?

Why yes they are but when you make friends with a partner at the firm who also happens to the the boss’ nephew? It sure makes it a lot easier to get that interview.

After graduating, Lutnick worked at Noonan, Astley & Pierce as a broker for the United States dollar–Japanese yen exchange, where he met B. Gerald Cantor.[13] In 1983, Cantor took Lutnick as his protégé and hired him at his eponymous firm, Cantor Fitzgerald, encouraged by Rod Fisher, a partner at the firm and Cantor’s nephew.

Source: Wikipedia

Men. Marry. Money. And. Power.

But assume women don’t accomplish anything on our own.

Why don’t you smile more?

I dunno – because The Patriarchy has me so pissed off?

I was on an overnight flight recently. After six hours of not sleeping well because who can sleep well sitting up in an airplane seat, they turned the lights on to serve breakfast, which also is the last thing I want at Dark O’Clock when I have not slept. I do not want food. I do not want your wretched coffee. I want to be left alone.

Oh good grief here I am justifying why I do not want to smile.

We should not have to justify our feelings to anyone.

When the flight attendant asked me if I wanted anything, I took off my mask and asked for water.

I was not rude.

I was not loud.

I was not demanding.

I was not cranky.

I politely said, “I would like some water, please.”

And yet.

The male flight attendant asked, “What’s wrong? How about a smile?”

How dare I not ask for water in the way he wanted?

How dare I not arrange my face in a manner that pleased him?


In all my life, I don’t think a woman has told me to smile.

To be fair, not many men have told me to smile, either.

They have told me not to be so direct, so loud, so outspoken.

But they have not told me to smile.

Maybe that’s why this was such a shock? That at my age, I finally got the “Why don’t you just smile?” treatment?

Except I think I would be just as angry if this happened all the time.


Seriously, why does a FA care if a middle-aged woman who just woke up is smiling?

Are all the men smiling?

If not, did he tell them to smile? I didn’t hear him prompting anyone else to smile.


It’s been almost two weeks and I am still angry about this.

You know what makes me even more angry?

When he asked me to smile, I did.

So many bullets

So much dodging

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Did I tell you about seeing an old – what should I call him? not boyfriend but someone who would call me every day and took me to meet his parents and told me he could see a future with me but then married the woman he had been driving 12 hours each way to see about once a month the entire time he was carrying on with me? – JERK at my college reunion?

Well I did see him.

I saw him and he looked awful – super skinny, which could be illness and is nothing to mock, but also with long – like down to his waist – scraggly, dirty hair.

The thinness might not be a choice.

But the hair was.

My friend Karen Ashby wrote a poem about it:

Reunion

How appropriate

You aged like you treated me

Rather terribly


Well.

I just heard about another former boyfriend and I use that word so, so lightly.

This guy – let’s call him Dick – was from grad school. We dated in the spring of my first year and in that summer.

I was supposed to spend the fall semester in Rotterdam.

I flew to Rotterdam and spent two days there before returning to Austin because –

DO NOT DO THIS! DO NOT DO THIS STUPID THING, YOUNG WOMEN –

because I missed him so much.

(WTAF was I thinking?)

In the two days that I was gone, he had already asked out my friend Sabine. We were only beginning friends so she didn’t know I was crazy about Dick. He told her that he and I were not at all serious, which I guess would have been OK if he had given me the same information. He did not.

He told me he had planned to spend the semester apart thinking about our relationship, so I waited until the end of the semester, hoping, hoping.

(I was so stupid.)

I should have just said, Oh OK. You want to break up. Bye.

But I didn’t. So a lot of my misery is my own fault.

After that semester, I realized that I had put myself through extra torture for nothing because sure enough, he did not want to be with me.

I also spent the semester being really angry at Sabine, which was unfair to her. She kept pushing and trying to revive our friendship. It wasn’t until she told me everything that had happened with her and Dick and we discovered that he had used the exact same lines on both of us that I was over him and back with her.

She and I have been close friends every since.


As one does, over the years, I googlestalked Dick. He married a woman who taught at a small college in California. She looks like a nice person. They had two children. He already had one child from his first marriage. (He was divorced when I met him.)

I talked to Sabine yesterday and she, also, has googlestalked. And she discovered that he is married again.

His third marriage.

And he married a woman more than 20 years his junior.

And they have two toddlers together.

Yes he is on his third marriage and his fourth and fifth children.

Y’all, he is 68 years old.

With two toddlers.

He will not get to sleep at night for years.

He will not have a peaceful house for decades.

He will never be able to retire.

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