I’d rather switch than fight

I don’t mind fighting The Man, but – a nice woman who has cut my hair? – that’s completely different

Those are not blonde highlights. That’s red plus the gray that I come by naturally. This is not a good way to look at a person’s hair, I don’t think.

I finally got my hair done.


I found a new hairdresser – vaxxed, close to my house, very very reasonable prices.


She’s really nice.

I like her.

I asked for blonde highlights.

I didn’t think I needed to get any more specific than that because – blonde is blonde, right?

We all agree on the definition of “blonde?”

I thought so.

But then she did my foils – and left me in the chair for 30 minutes.

She didn’t put me under a hairdryer.

Which was weird.

Because I have never not been put under the hairdryer after I’ve been foiled.

Perhaps the technology has changed? After all, it’s been a year and a half since the last time I had my hair highlighted.

But then after she washed out the chemicals and cut my hair and dried it, I looked in the mirror.

“It looks – red,” I said.

She nodded. “The lighting is kind of weird in here. I was trying to match the blonde that was left at the ends of your hair.”

But the cut – the cut was great.

Maybe the color would look different at home.

The color did not look different at home.

I thought, I’ll just make another appointment for next month and this time, we will discuss what “blonde” means.

I thought, I don’t want to wait another month.

I thought, I don’t think she knows how to do color.

I thought, But she does a great cut.

I thought, I could just go to SuperCuts tomorrow and get the highlights there.

I thought, But SuperCuts won’t tell me if the stylists are vaxxed.

I thought, But they know how to do highlights.

And this was where Texan faced her moral dilemma.

I thought, But the CDC says as long as I’m vaxxed, it’s OK.

I thought, What if it’s an anti-vaxxer cutting my hair?


I thought, But – what if it’s an anti-vaxxer?

Then we got the male perspective.

And then Mr T asked, “Why don’t you tell the stylist who did it wrong that you want your money back?

And I had no answer except that I hadn’t even considered that option.

He said, “When the new stylist I saw accidentally cut too much off, I protested and she evened it out but it was much shorter than I wanted so she told me she would NOT charge me so I tipped her anyhow but a lot more than I would have tipped otherwise.”

He asked, “When you saw it wasn’t what you wanted, why didn’t you just refuse to pay?”

And I thought, “Men and women are so different.”

And I thought, “Or maybe it’s just me – maybe I’m the big chicken here. Maybe I’m the one with the problem. Maybe every other woman in the world would have said, ‘Nope. Nope. No way. I wanted blonde and that’s not blonde. I’m not paying.'”

Maybe it’s just me. Maybe every other woman in the world could tell the stylist who had just spent two hours on her hair – including a really good cut – that the color was bad and she refused to pay.

But I don’t know how to do that.

8 thoughts on “I’d rather switch than fight

  1. Ehhh. This is definitely a broad-spectrum men/women thing (with many exceptions, but… generally), but like the tipping habits of those who have been waitstaff, I’m not sure the women are *wrong* on wanting to pay someone who is lower on the ladder even if they messed up, or in being careful about the feelings of minions (although often too careful, yes).

    On pushing back against doctors or at work or anywhere else, there is the “bitch penalty” which makes some of the decisions to not push back or not say anything into the pragmatically-right decision to make – even though it’s 100% unfair. How exactly one navigates systemic misogyny and a screwed-up capitalist world is a choice with a lot of shake-down ramifications in a lot of ways; there are definitely truly wrong ways to do it, but among all the available options, there are often multiple options which are just bad in different ways.

    Also, sorry about your hair. 😦


  2. I have a friend who had a similar experience years ago – her snap decision was to say to her hairdresser, “I really thought this would turn out to be blonder – can it be fixed?” The hairdresser tried again and they reached a point where everyone was happy. I’m not sure if she had to pay extra, but I suspect not – the hairdresser wanted her to return and wanted her to be happy. Maybe this strategy for next time? (I think that at the time, though, I would have done as you did, – which is one reason why I never have my hair done.)


  3. My stylist used to be my sister in-law, and she has done corrective color because after a few days her customer came back and said it wasn’t quite what they wanted. She was not hurt or upset, and they went over the little hair loop swatches together to be Very Sure. It’s a very normal happening in Hair World, if that helps at all.


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