Marriage in the time of COVID-19

How much for the leetle girl?

Covid

Do you guys remember when we were teenagers and we thought marriage was all about s-e-x and it would be all s-e-x all the time?

And that was a very very exciting idea?

Oh? That was just me?

OK well never mind.

So you guys knew even back then that marriage was not just about s-e-x but was really a lot of arguing about things?

Things like – even in ordinary times – the proper way to wash dishes?

Or how to put them in the cupboard? (One of us maintains by color and then by size, as even the large white plates have some slight variations in thickness.)

Or how to store food in the fridge? (One of us maintains by which foods go together, like the rice and the gumbo, even if the rice is in a square tupperware and the gumbo is in a round glass container. The other says that the containers should be stacked by shape and size to optimize storage efficiency and that of course USERS ALREADY KNOW WHICH FOODS GO TOGETHER.)

Or when to go to bed?

So imagine if you will all the Togetherness that comes with quarantine and add ordinary marriage to that.

Oh wait. You don’t need to imagine! If you’re married, you’re already there!

And if you’re not married, let me assure you this is not all a bed of roses.

It’s all the things that bug you the most about the other person EXCEPT IT’S EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF EVERY SINGLE DAY AND YOUR HAIR LOOKS LIKE CRAP AND YOU ARE WEARING THE SAME CLOTHES 40 DAYS IN A ROW AND WHAT DAY IS IT EVEN?

In addition to the regular things we argue about, Mr T and I have added to our repertoire.

We have argued about the proper timing for sending a wedding gift. I have always sent the gift before the wedding, when I get around to it.

Mr T maintains one takes the present to the wedding or sends it after.

I said why does it matter and why are we even arguing about this, but no, it is Not Done to take the gift to the wedding anymore because People Are Crap and steal presents and even if they don’t, it just means someone has to Be In Charge of taking the presents from the reception to the bride and groom’s home and that’s a pain in the neck AND WHY ARE WE EVEN ARGUING ABOUT THIS?

We now also argue about – because we decided that quarantine was the perfect time to abandon our previous successful for 15 years policy of each of us having our own tube of toothpaste – how to squeeze a tube of toothpaste.

covid toothpaste

Which led to, as I am sure you can understand, arguing about How To Argue.

Which did not go well, as I am sure you can also understand.

We are now each in our separate corners. Fuming. But back to separate tubes of toothpaste.

 

 

3 thoughts on “Marriage in the time of COVID-19

  1. Well, you are certainly right about most of it. (Not sure which side you come down on in the dish stacking problem.) But, he is definitely wrong, wrong, wrong about taking a gift to the wedding. Emily Post would smack his hand. Folks ONLY have tables at the reception because rude people bring gifts and the bride’s parents have to accommodate their rudeness, by providing a place and then schlepping everything home. Before or up to 90 days afterwards is the right answer to that one – for sure!

    However, you failed to include in your list: which way does the toilet paper unroll, and likewise the paper towels, and up or down for silverware in the dishwasher (even if one of you almost never is the one actually filling the dishwasher), and which network news (even if that person is too busy reading his FB to actually watch the news). I am sure there are more, too.

    I feel your pain.

    Like

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