Can ya believe all dat snow? Or, if you say snow is “pretty,” I will slap you
This is what I woke up to on Halloween.
Fortunately, Mr T had put the winter rugs and the snow brush in the car and had put a snow brush by the back door.
Yes, you have to brush the car off with a snow brush before you can open it to get the snow brush. It’s one of those weird philosophy/word problem kind of things.
And I would say this ruined Halloween, except my neighborhood already had its racist exclusionary Halloween ruined last Saturday by rain.
What? How can Halloween be racist and exclusionary, you ask?
- Turn it into a neighborhood association event that happens on an evening that is NOT Halloween so nobody outside of the neighborhood, which is a first-ring suburb of mostly middle-class white people adjacent to a neighborhood of working-class black people, knows about it
- Require membership in the neighborhood association ($)
- Require in-person registration for the event itself ($)
- Require the donation of candy for the event (a race to the bottom of hard peppermint candies if you ask me)
- Require that the registered children use the glowsticks they are given when they trick or treat so people don’t accidentally give candy to Unauthorized Children
- Require that the registered Candy Givers put the stickers they are given in their windows so nobody goes to the wrong houses
So yeah Mr T and I don’t do the neighborhood Halloween.
We don’t even do the city Halloween, which takes place not on Halloween – what? are you shocked? did you even know Halloween could be regulated? IT CAN! – but on the Sunday afternoon closest to Halloween.
Because why would you actually have Halloween activities on Halloween?
So yeah. I woke up to a snow-covered car on Halloween. And I had to go to work, which meant that even though I had woken up early and had thought, Well crap I might as well get up because I am not going to get back to sleep but at least I will get to work early and then I can come home early, I had to spend all that extra time I had cleaning off the darn car and then driving super slowly because we have not had time to put on the snow tires.
For those of you who do not live where snow is, I will explain why Snow Is Evil. When you have snow, these are the time-sucking things it adds to your life:
- Brush snow off the car before going anywhere
- Shovel the driveway so you can get the car out
- Shovel the sidewalk so you won’t get fined
- Shovel the sidewalk so the little children can walk safely to the school that is two blocks from your house and so your neighbors can walk their dogs and so the postman can deliver your mail my God you are not a monster it’s not about the fines really
- Shovel again after the plow goes by and throws not just snow but heavily-compacted snow, ice, and dirt back into the apron of your driveway
- Before you even go outside, you have to select the proper winter coat for the situation – shoveling? going someplace nice? is it rain snowing? windy? what’s the windchill? do you need to be able to move your arms? carry stuff?
- Getting dressed before the coat takes longer – how many layers? If you are wearing a dress or skirt (don’t do it), hose or tights are required. It’s not about fashion, it’s about survival, Susan. You have more clothes to put on.
- Putting on the coat is a pain – getting it zipped? Ha! Thank you Kohls, for taking the low bid on the zippers.
- I have to put on my snow boots, which must be laced, which has to happen after the coat, because snow boots have to stay near the door because I don’t want to track the residual dirt that lives in the high-traction soles into my house. But lacing up boots while you are wearing a heavy coat? Not so easy.
- Where are my shoes? I mean the shoes I will put on once I reach my destination.
- Remember to stick the mascara into my bra or my boot. I put it on in the car at a stoplight, but it needs to be warm enough. It’s too cold after sitting in my purse overnight.
- Walk carefully from the back door to the car – the Icy Driveway of Death wants to kill me.
- Drive slowly. Roads are icy and want to kill me.
I had other points to make but now I can’t remember.
Stay warm, my friends.