When Halloween trick or treats as Christmas

Can ya believe all dat snow? Or, if you say snow is “pretty,” I will slap you

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This is what I woke up to on Halloween.

Fortunately, Mr T had put the winter rugs and the snow brush in the car and had put a snow brush by the back door.

Yes, you have to brush the car off with a snow brush before you can open it to get the snow brush. It’s one of those weird philosophy/word problem kind of things.

And I would say this ruined Halloween, except my neighborhood already had its racist exclusionary Halloween ruined last Saturday by rain.

What? How can Halloween be racist and exclusionary, you ask?

Simple.

  • Turn it into a neighborhood association event that happens on an evening that is NOT Halloween so nobody outside of the neighborhood, which is a first-ring suburb of mostly middle-class white people adjacent to a neighborhood of working-class black people, knows about it
  • Require membership in the neighborhood association ($)
  • Require in-person registration for the event itself ($)
  • Require the donation of candy for the event (a race to the bottom of hard peppermint candies if you ask me)
  • Require that the registered children use the glowsticks they are given when they trick or treat so people don’t accidentally give candy to Unauthorized Children
  • Require that the registered Candy Givers put the stickers they are given in their windows so nobody goes to the wrong houses

So yeah Mr T and I don’t do the neighborhood Halloween.

We don’t even do the city Halloween, which takes place not on Halloween – what? are you shocked? did you even know Halloween could be regulated? IT CAN! – but on the Sunday afternoon closest to Halloween.

Because why would you actually have Halloween activities on Halloween?

IDK.

So yeah. I woke up to a snow-covered car on Halloween. And I had to go to work, which meant that even though I had woken up early and had thought, Well crap I might as well get up because I am not going to get back to sleep but at least I will get to work early and then I can come home early, I had to spend all that extra time I had cleaning off the darn car and then driving super slowly because we have not had time to put on the snow tires.

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So this guy thought it was a good idea to drive without being able to see behind him. This is not Rome, dude.

For those of you who do not live where snow is, I will explain why Snow Is Evil. When you have snow, these are the time-sucking things it adds to your life:

  • Brush snow off the car before going anywhere
  • Shovel the driveway so you can get the car out
  • Shovel the sidewalk so you won’t get fined
  • Shovel the sidewalk so the little children can walk safely to the school that is two blocks from your house and so your neighbors can walk their dogs and so the postman can deliver your mail my God you are not a monster it’s not about the fines really
  • Shovel again after the plow goes by and throws not just snow but heavily-compacted snow, ice, and dirt back into the apron of your driveway
  • Before you even go outside, you have to select the proper winter coat for the situation – shoveling? going someplace nice? is it rain snowing? windy? what’s the windchill? do you need to be able to move your arms? carry stuff?
  • Getting dressed before the coat takes longer – how many layers? If you are wearing a dress or skirt (don’t do it), hose or tights are required. It’s not about fashion, it’s about survival, Susan. You have more clothes to put on.
  • Putting on the coat is a pain – getting it zipped? Ha! Thank you Kohls, for taking the low bid on the zippers.
  • I have to put on my snow boots, which must be laced, which has to happen after the coat, because snow boots have to stay near the door because I don’t want to track the residual dirt that lives in the high-traction soles into my house. But lacing up boots while you are wearing a heavy coat? Not so easy.
  • Where are my shoes? I mean the shoes I will put on once I reach my destination.
  • Remember to stick the mascara into my bra or my boot. I put it on in the car at a stoplight, but it needs to be warm enough. It’s too cold after sitting in my purse overnight.
  • Walk carefully from the back door to the car – the Icy Driveway of Death wants to kill me.
  • Drive slowly. Roads are icy and want to kill me.

I had other points to make but now I can’t remember.

Stay warm, my friends.

 

 

12 thoughts on “When Halloween trick or treats as Christmas

  1. We got a cold front in Houston this week, too. I may have to put on socks, or even dig up my hoodie. Good thing the Rice homecoming game is during the day ‘cuz it might drop to 50 after sunset.

    I don’t mean to taunt you, but gosh I’m feeling perky now that it’s no longer 95 degrees with 95% humidity! Only four short months until that starts up again.

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    1. When Ruthie K’s daughter wanted to come up this way for college, Ruth called me to ask about the proper clothing. I told her to tell her daughter to go to the kitchen, open the freezer, stick her face and hands in there, and leave them there for 15 minutes. Then decide if she wanted to spend four years in that.

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  2. My heart aches for you, while my brain says, “wtf? These folks are from Texas and Memphis, and he can work from home … why are they in Minnesota?” I know you are a smart cookie and could find a good job i a warmer climate.

    When we get our four incher every year i wonder why we don’t move south … of Virginia … when it’s warmer in the winter. (If we hit the lottery in time, we will get something is S.C. just for January thru March – seriously!)

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  3. I’m in shock over the Halloween “rules” in your area! Seriously, people?? And while you have mentioned family “up there” in the Frozen North, there ARE planes between there and Texas, so move back where the weather is civilized. Well, apart from the summers. . . .

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    1. I KNOW! I have never lived anywhere else with Halloween rules! It’s so mean. I am ready to get out of here, but we need to figure out the jobs situation. It would have been possible just ten short months ago, but then there was a re-organization. 😦 I loved my former boss.

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  4. I think I used to live in your neighborhood. Never did sign up/pay for the privilege of giving out candy. My current neighborhood postponed Halloween from Thursday to Saturday because of the snow, cold, wind. We weren’t home on Saturday, so now have leftover candy that will just sit and taunt me from the kitchen. yay.

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    1. Leftover candy comes to work for the communal candy bowl the next day. And that bowl is not on my desk, or even in the same building, for that matter. It’s better that way.

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      1. Which is what everyone else did – so our lone unoccupied desk has heaps of M&Ms, all flavors. I manage to walk past it without indulging most of the time.

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      2. I can resist if it’s the cheap stuff. But someone brought peanut M&Ms to work, so I’ve been casually slipping a bag or two into my pocket every time I walk ten cubicles out of my way.

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