The heart wants what the heart wants

Because Out is Out and In is In and they are not the same

Laverne yard

Saturday – or any morning – at our house.

Laverne: I want out I want out I want out.

Me: Grabs leash. Changes from indoor flip flops to outdoor flip flops. Puts on hat. Opens door. Walks with Laverne to the back yard. Lifts Laverne and sets her on top of trash can. Puts harness on cat. Puts cat down. Clips leash to line attached to garage. Goes back inside. Takes off hat. Changes from outdoor flip flops to indoor flip flops. Returns to previously-scheduled reading.

Ten minutes later.

Laverne: I want in I want in I want in.

Me: Changes from indoor flip flops to outdoor flip flops. Puts on hat. Opens door. Walks to back yard. Unclips cat from line. Walks cat back inside. Takes off hat. Changes from outdoor flip flops to indoor flip flops. Removes cat from harness. Hangs leash back on thingy where leash hangs. Returns to previously-scheduled reading.

Laverne: I was so thirsty. Soooooo thirsty. And did Shirley leave any food? No. Rats. And by the way? I don’t care if you put water outside for me, even if it’s Inside Water. I want Inside Water inside, not Inside Water outside. It’s not the same. I want to come in for my water. In.

Laverne: I want out I want out I want out.

Me: Grabs leash. Changes from indoor flip flops to outdoor flip flops. Puts on hat. Opens door. Walks with Laverne to the back yard. Lifts Laverne and sets her on top of trash can. Puts harness on cat. Puts cat down. Clips leash to line attached to garage. Goes back inside. Takes off hat. Changes from outdoor flip flops to indoor flip flops. Returns to previously-scheduled reading.

Laverne out

Ten minutes later.

Laverne: I want in I want in I want in.

Me: Changes from indoor flip flops to outdoor flip flops. Puts on hat. Opens door. Walks to back yard. Unclips cat from line. Walks cat back inside. Takes off hat. Changes from outdoor flip flops to indoor flip flops. Removes cat from harness. Hangs leash back on thingy where leash hangs. Returns to previously-scheduled reading.

Laverne: I was so thirsty. Soooooo thirsty. And did Shirley leave any food? No. Rats.

Laverne: I want out I want out I want out.

Me: Grabs leash. Changes from indoor flip flops to outdoor flip flops. Puts on hat. Opens door. Walks with Laverne to the back yard. Lifts Laverne and sets her on top of trash can. Puts harness on cat. Puts cat down. Clips leash to line attached to garage. Goes back inside. Takes off hat. Changes from outdoor flip flops to indoor flip flops. Returns to previously-scheduled reading.

This repeats many many times until I get some sense.

Ten minutes later.

Laverne: I want in I want in I want in.

Me: Changes from indoor flip flops to outdoor flip flops. Puts on hat. Opens door. Walks to back yard. Unclips cat from line. Walks cat back inside. Takes off hat. Changes from outdoor flip flops to indoor flip flops.

Leaves harness on Laverne because to streamline the process a tiny bit.

Returns to previously-scheduled reading.

Laverne: I think I’ll sit in the window and lick myself noisily. I think I will pick at this harness and make a lot of noise because the harness? It bothers me. What? No. No, I’m not thirsty. Sheesh. Can’t a cat just sit in peace and enjoy the morning?

Cat drams

 

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