It’s like there’s been an invasion

What the heck is happening to MY ARMS?

funnel cake
Eating our bi-decade State Fair funnel cake. (Does that mean once every five years? Because that’s what I mean.)

OK you guys. WHAT IS GOING ON?

For the record, I have been working out with weights for – *does the math in her head* – 26 years.

Nope, I am not muscle bound.

Nope, I am not lean.

I am sad to report that the adage “Great abs are made not in the gym but the kitchen” is absolutely true.

I am not willing to be hungry to lose weight and that’s kinda what it comes down to in my case. Plus I just like to eat. It’s my hobby. I don’t work out almost every day because I like to exercise, I work out almost every day because I like to eat.

And maybe if I worked out five hours a day, I wouldn’t have to worry about what was happening in the kitchen, but I can tell you that even when I was riding my bike to work every day – 20 miles, round trip – plus going to the gym at lunch because I was bored and I am not paid by the hour so why would I work through lunch?, I was still not ultra lean.

My ancestors gave me a body designed to survive in famine and in winter, which I suppose will be useful if the apocalypse comes but honestly does not do much for me fashion wise now.

But then I remind myself that if my worst problem is that I get more than enough food, I have a really great life.

But now I think I am getting a worse problem?

Despite the bicep and tricep work – 26 years’ worth, I am getting Old Lady Arms.

You know what I am talking about. I have also heard them called Cafeteria Lady Arms.

I am getting the upper arms that don’t stop moving.

Maybe this is a slightly chubby person thing? Does this happen to thin women? Do their upper arms keep shaking after the intentional movement has stopped?

Is this a problem I could solve if I lost weight in my upper arm? Or would the skin stay the same size?

I feel as if my body is betraying me. I exercise. I eat a healt – ok, a moderately decent diet. I don’t smoke (yet, but once I already have face wrinkles, I will start, because it looks like fun and the only thing keeping me from doing it now is vanity), I don’t drink (not for moral reasons but because I think beer and wine taste awful and for the calories, I would rather have butter), and I now, unlike my misspent youth, stay out of the sun.

Yet I occasionally catch a surprise glimpse of my neck. Or an in-focus view of my eyes. And now the upper arms. And I wonder when it all happened and if all my sisters who have gone before me were as surprised by their new selves as I am.



6 thoughts on “It’s like there’s been an invasion

  1. OMG, this could have been posted by me if wasn’t too lazy to blog. BTW, I enjoy reading this blog and your previous blog.


  2. Yes it happens to thin women and it just sucks all around! I used to have “great guns” but they are gone…trying the body lotion now that is supposed to tighten and firm, I think they are lying.


  3. I think it’s inevitable. I powerlift, and the women in my age category and older (not that there are very many of us) all have the batwings. And we are talking freakin’ strong women, with amazing biceps.


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