We’re talking about peeing and I know I am not the only one who has this problem
There are many good things about being a Woman of a Certain Age. I have reached the age of I just don’t care anymore, the age of whatever, the age of no I am not moving aside so you don’t have to watch where you are going, the age of nope I am not ashamed to admit that I would rather be by myself reading a book than be with most of the world’s population (my wonderful friends and family excepted of course, although it depends on the book), the age of why did I waste so much of my youth worrying about losing weight when 1. I looked great and 2. I should have been worrying about smashing the patriarchy.
But. There are a few drawbacks.
The neck part.
And we shall speak no more of that.
The everything hurts when I wake up part.
And the what the heck is going on with my bladder part.
I would ask my doctor about this, but I have a $5,000 deductible and I can’t get anyone to tell me how much it costs for an office visit – not the doctor’s office, not the hospital he works for.
Ah, the hospital. You can send them an email request for price information. But they will not email you back with a price. They call you. And if you can’t take the call, you, I suppose, as I did not do this, call them back and there is this infinite recursion of phone calls that may someday end up with an actual conversation where no information of any value is shared, like – the price. Or, if that information is divulged, there is no way to prove it later.
Because I can’t ask my doctor, I will ask you guys. I don’t think I am alone. Am I? Is this just me? Or is this yet another glorious benefit of middle age?
When did my bladder become so sensitive that I not only think about it but cater to it?
I have learned to drink lots and lots of water because apparently, when urine is too concentrated, it irritates the bladder.
I guess there is nothing wrong with lots of water, except I was in an all-day meeting at work this week. This guy who used to be a reporter for Europe’s biggest newspaper was giving us a seminar on storytelling and it was amazing and I didn’t want to miss one second of it, but when you drink lots of water, you also have to get rid of lots of water. How to time the bathroom breaks?
I have learned to endure headaches and any other kind of ache without medication because guess what? If I take a pill, two days later, as it is leaving my body, I feel as if I have a UTI. Even though I don’t have a UTI. Which took me a while to figure out.
And then last, I have learned that although drinking water is necessary, it’s better not to drink it before bed. If I do drink it at night, my body will turn on me and release that water in one-tablespoon increments at one-hour intervals throughout the night.
I spend most of my night in very bad, intense dreams and suspect that a fire might not wake me, but a tiny amount of urine that could have waited SEVEN HOURS is the signal that puts my body on DEFCON 1.
Is it just me? Or do I have a sisterhood out there?