Speaking of the abomination that is Pizza Cut Into Squares

Is it some bizarre protest against FIBs? Because they have great pizza in Chicago – let’s embrace it, not fight it

You guys know this is BS, right? Square pizza and/or pizza cut into squares? Well, I finally found out who’s responsible.

When you think of Milwaukee pizza – that flaky almost cracker-thin crust, on a rectangular pan, cut into squares – you’re thinking of Caradaro pizza, the legacy of which is served to Milwaukee pizza fans at a number of places around the city today.

I guess there are people who like square pizza, but, as with the People Who Like Snow and the People Who Do Not Take Food and the People Who Do Not Write Condolence Notes, they are wrong.

I guess I should back up. I just re-read the previous paragraphs – a draft I wrote a few weeks ago – and realized it might not make sense to those of you outside Wisconsin.

Up here, they cut pizza into squares. This makes sense for pizza baked in a rectangle, as my grandmother did and my mom does (bless their hearts but it is easier than pulling dough into a circle), but for pizza baked in a circle? To still be cut into squares?


Who goes through the trouble of pulling the dough into a circle – which is not easy, I can tell you – I have never achieved Perfect Roundness and I have tried – and then doesn’t even cut the slices properly?

That is, with an even, fair ratio of crust to non-crust AS PLEASETH THE LORD?

I have argued about this issue with the engineers (that is, every other single person except me, the three admins, and the art director) at work.

I maintain that triangular slices are the most fair way to distribute pizza.

They say, But what about the people who don’t like crust?


You would think engineers would be more logical but you would be wrong.

(They have figured out that for a potluck, you pull the table from the wall and run a line down both sides to double throughput, but they still put the silverware and napkins at the beginning of the buffet line, not at the end. I have given up.)

Also – the crust here is a horrible cracker crust. If I wanted crackers, I would sit it on a Ritz. Otherwise, I want a chewy, thick pizza crust.

They are not doing it right.









4 thoughts on “Speaking of the abomination that is Pizza Cut Into Squares

  1. If you hate Milwaukee pizza, really don’t try St. Louis pizza. Also cut into squares. I describe it as cardboard crust with processed cheese food topping and it’s my favorite.


  2. My favorite pizza joint makes round pizza and cuts it into strips. I do NOT like thick crust, but I also don’t like hard cracker crust…I may sound hard to please but as long as they do it the way I want we will get along just fine. LOL


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